


Cactus

by crankyoldman



Category: 999: Nine Hours Nine Persons Nine Doors - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:44:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crankyoldman/pseuds/crankyoldman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clover and moving on after the Nonary Game. Change after trauma is inevitable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cactus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lightningwaltz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningwaltz/gifts).



_"It's really hard to get out of survival mode. Once you've averted your fate, what then? Stories have endings, but lives only end in death."_

\---

Her voice rang out, somewhat out of tune, in the mostly empty house.

"Unable to move myself away, I continue to be washed down the cracks of time  
I don’t know about my surroundings; I am who I am, that’s it!"

"Would you cut out that racket?"

Clover stuck out her tongue at Light, delighting in the fact that no matter what superhuman feats he could perform there was no way he could tell she'd done that. She continued singing a few more lines after until he sighed heavily.

"Are you quite done?"

"Of course."

She wanted to say things were normal, that there weren't things that lurked in her mind that even turned a scene like this into a brief calm. Light had insisted that things _were_ normal, that it didn't matter they'd lost June--no, _Akane_ , June was almost could have been maybe a friend--and that they wouldn't have luck that would make them go through the same ordeal more than twice.

And the silence must have lingered for just a little too long, because Light was making that concerned face, the one that always made her feel just a little guilty.

"...You can keep singing if you'd like."

"Well now I don't want to."

He'd tried to hide it from her at first, his little obsession with listening to the radio, his bumpy notes about crimes within the area. How he'd always switch it off if anything came up about Gentarou Hongou's trial. He could never really keep anything from her.

"How are the nightmares?"

Clover frowned. Well, he had been kind enough not to suggest a psychiatrist, though if he did he would have to see them too. She didn't know if he dreamed, but hers were filled with axes and blood, safes and hands around her neck. Half the time she died, half the time she killed. Once _he_ killed, his face twisted in a rage she hoped she never saw coming from her brother.

"They're nightmares, Light. They suck."

He chuckled. "True."

That levity was real, not vibrations sent through the aether.

\---

 _There was a wall of glass between her and Junpei._

 _"You really need to stop visiting me here."_

 _"Someone has to drive Light, you know."_

 _She hated the way the jumpsuit fit, hated the look in his eyes. If there weren't a wall of glass she would reach over and **pull** his collar tight and **tell him** what it was like to know that she could never go back. Never._

 _"Only his eyes don't work, last I heard his mouth was fine."_

 _Junpei frowned. "He's still hurt about what you said last time."_

 _She knew. She knew that he could be in there just like she was. It was only a matter of time, and she would **reach** him._

\---

She watched as Light adjusted his outfit for the fifth time. He'd always been strangely good at styling himself, with only minimal color matching help from her. He always liked a lot of textures and embellishments because he could feel them, understand all their positions and forms. It was only his hair that he ever had trouble with, but Clover had heard from numerous girls--and boys--that the careless hair really worked for him.

If he were anyone but her brother, she might have been jealous.

"He thinks you look regal no matter what, you know."

Light opened his mouth to protest and then closed it again. "Oh, you."

"At least he's not like that one guy who was always checking himself out in mirrors and was constantly watching his diet."

"He was a model, Clover, it was part of his job. And I was _sixteen._ No one thinks straight then."

"Still, teasing is forever."

He ruffled her hair and she squawked, but before she could properly retaliate the anticipated knock happened.

"I'll get it!" Superhuman senses or not, she could still leap over things much faster than Light could.

It was obvious that Junpei had been to see Ms. Kashiwabara first, what with all the programming books that were practically spilling out of his bag. Then again, Light hadn't exactly let him leave without reading material the last time he'd visited.

"It sounds like you're carrying bricks," Light commented dryly.

Clover made no motion to help him with his backpack, so he just let it drop with a thud in their foyer. "Ms. Kashiwabara still seems to think that I should consider an exciting career in IT."

"I can assure you she is the only colorful character in that industry. So how have you been, Junpei?"

“Just trying to catch up to classes. The usual.”

Shadows seemed to always hang over the usual conversations, no matter how normal they were. Because if _it_ hadn't happened, he wouldn't have anything to catch up to.

Light, as usual, gauged the sudden heaviness and adjusted accordingly. "Did you enjoy the books?"

"...I only got through one of them, to be honest. I have no idea how you get through so many and understand them."

Most of Light's books were special Braille editions, so he'd had her pick up copies for Junpei to read. It was strangely bonding, their mutual admiration for this kind-hearted, completely average guy, though obviously manifesting in different ways. Moreso than anyone else, she had been glad that he came around.

"Practice. It's just a lot of practice."

\---

 _She watched the coffin lowered and screamed at them, but they couldn't hear. Couldn't hear that someone had murdered her and had gotten away with it. That she was only just a girl and had been shut out, leaving her poor brother behind._

 _Of all the injustices, this was the worst._

\---

Junpei of course had agreed to go with her to pick up a few things, run errands, out of that sense of protection he had. Light could have just as easily gone, but Clover liked to give him time off of being glued to her side. He was 25 years old, there were so many things he should have been doing.

She could think of Junpei not as a substitute for Light; if she had truly lost her real brother, she would have spiraled down that dark pit that lived deep inside her. No, he was a good addition, really. If she could have it her way she would have had several brothers.

They had been quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Part of her hated to break the peace of it, but there were things that needed to be said while Light wasn't there to hear them.

"You still think about her, don't you?"

"You mean Akane?"

"Of course. You did save her after all."

Junpei didn't bottle his emotions like people in her family did. It was probably healthier, that way, to not suddenly burst forth in sadness or anger. She also knew she could never really learn how to do that from him.

"It's hard not to think about her."

Clover bit her lip, because she _knew_ how people really didn't come back from things. How irrevocably changed they were.

"You do realize it's not really Akane anymore. Zero was the thing holding onto life, and that was all that was left. Rage, calculation, and survival."

Junpei took her hand, and she realized it was more to steady himself than her.

"I have to believed I saved someone back there. Otherwise, what's the point?"

\---

 _"Maybe someday you'll learn to like what I've become."_

**Author's Note:**

> The song that Clover is singing in the beginning is Bad Apple!! and those are the English translation of a couple lines of the lyrics. It's a really peppy song with really depressing lyrics, it fits really well here.
> 
> And my fun with italics is kind of reflecting how in the different endings in the game Clover's fate varies wildly; so those are like post-game alternate fates if you will.
> 
> Title is taken from a David Bowie song which I was listening to a lot while writing this. XD


End file.
